If you ended up with the person you were supposed to? Every now and then, sometimes more often, I wonder if I should still be with Dave. What would life be like if I hadn't broken his heart in high school? It didn't take long for me to start regretting what I had done. And Dave seemed to have changed overnight.
We were in a psych class together and he had shoes that I liked. I think they were Vans. Different than the other boys, his hair was kind of floppy and he was a little pudgy and wore glasses. He was a year younger than me. I just liked him and we somehow started going out. It wasn't long and he was head over heals in love with me. And I really loved him too. I remember my friends telling me how he would look at me and smile when I was further down the hall talking to someone else and he would say "isn't she cute?" I remember sitting with him in a parking lot in his car in the rain one night. I remember going out to Max & Ermas for one of our however many month long anniversaries. He had gotten me a ring with his birthstone and mine, a sapphire and a little diamond. I remember him saying he could picture marrying me one day. I remember picking him up for school when his car broke down. I remember him driving me when mine was in the shop. I took his virginity. I wish I could say my first time was with him, but it wasn't. We went to his prom together. Then shortly after that I decided I didn't want to be tied down to the same boy my whole senior year of high school. I had already bought my dress for senior prom and told him I needed some space. I went to my prom with a friend. That summer I missed him terribly and regretted ever breaking up with him. I was at a party at a friend's house and he showed up after most everyone had left. My friend retreated to her room. I tried to tell him I was sorry and that I wanted it all back. He was acting so different. It wasn't the Dave I knew. He was all tough and like too cool for me or something. I think he said no it was over and then he kissed me. And I melted. We had crazy sex on the floor in the foyer. It was different. It was the end. I cried. I don't think I ever saw him again after that.
Now I wonder if he ever went back to being the real Dave. The Dave he was when we were together or if I had changed him forever into that cold, heartless Dave. Maybe he just needed to get back at me for what I had done and has gone on to be a wonderful man. I wish I knew. I would like to know that he is ok. I've googled him and can't really say that I have found him. I just want to email him. I don't like to talk on the phone. I paid for a search thing once and found him in another state. I tried sending him an email through their service. I don't know if it ever got to him. I never heard back. I google him every so often but nothing comes up for him. There is a birdwatcher with the same name, and a preacher, and a guy who plays rugby or something. But they are not my Dave. He must be really careful about his identity or not know about this here internet thing. He isn't on classmates, or reunion, or facebook, or myspace. Argh! I just want to know that he turned out ok.
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